The Random Spoutings of a Randomly Chosen Subject

My New Blog

2005-12-18T16:20:00.000-08:00

This is my new blog. If you care, replace my old "Random Spoutings" page with this new link in your favorites or blogroll. Hope to see you all over at EFx2.
I've got a few of my favorites linked over at my new place, as I'd like to keep in touch with a few of you. Feel free to come visit and comment.

Siyonara.

Homework, Work-work, Workin' It

2005-12-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

I think I'm losing the taste for blogging. After going at it for about four months pretty solidly, I find myself frequently at a loss for words. I don't like to rehash the latest news events if I don't have to...enough people do that as it is; my name is not Matt Drudge. But my life really isn't interesting enough to post about every day, and I'm not a creative writer, so I can't just come up with funny shit like some of you can.

I haven't been posting shit lately, and it's not for the lack of trying. I just don't have much to say right now. I'm in a pretty damned good place in my life, and I don't have much to complain about. Work is good, school is good, relationship is good, living situation...could be better. My lease is up at the end of this month and I'm not renewing it, but I don't have another place lined up, yet. I'm getting down to the wire, but I don't really have time to search for an affordable place. Jeremy found a nice house in south Minneapolis, but we'd need another roommate to be able to afford it, and most of the people I know (that I'd be willing to live with) are stuck in leases right now. What to do, what to do?

So for now, I'll probably just stick to lurking around the same old haunts and when the mood strikes me, I'll throw up a new post. Just don't forget about me, guys; I'll be around.

Until then,

Jennie

Frosted Flake

2005-12-04T15:53:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day-
Billet-doux: (noun) a love letter or note.

Okay, so I've been a little flaky lately. I blame the onset of my seasonal depression. I seem to be getting a little better grip on my situation, though. Things have been stressful...money has been tight. We all know about the Jer-jail fiasco- it's really taking its toll on me.

Due to my massive school/work-load, I've been hitting the sack real early these days. I hate winter. I'm clocked out by 9:30 every night. Jeremy usually stays up for a while, which I don't mind at all. Thursday morning when I came into the living room to gather my things for school, there was a billet-doux lying on my laptop. It was so moving, I folded it up and kept it in my pocket for two days. I've told you all how amazing he is at writing...this was no different. I had been having an especially hard time last week and he knew this. He knows how to make me feel better about life.

Thursday night, his mother invited me to play Bingo for her birthday. I won fifty bucks! I never win at anything that involves money, so this was a very pleasant surprise. His brother, Tim, was there also (Jer was doing comedy) and kept buying me gin & tonics. I got just looped enough to sing that Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow duet song on karaoke. I never sing karaoke.

Friday when I came home from work, Jeremy had the house all picked up AND he was doing the dishes- something I absolutely detest doing. I thought that was very kind of him, until yesterday, when I got home from work, I found that he had bought me four bunches of sweetheart roses- my favorite kind- in an assortment of colors. My day had just improved significantly, until I went to the ATM and found out that I had made a nine-dollar goof in my books which ended up costing me sixty-six dollars in overdraft fees. That ruined my day. I came home and cried over our plight. I was going to the ATM to pull out forty bucks for some groceries. Tonight it's rice and green beans again.

So here we are, back to being broke. He had planned to take me out for a date tonight, but due to my utter stupidity, this date has been cancelled. If it isn't one thing, it's another.

We Can Dance If You Want To

2005-11-30T09:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, gentlemen, I'm back. Sorry for the intense delay in posting, but my honey got out of jail, we had the holiday, we moved in together, and now I'm swamped between work and homework. My life as of recently has been a veritable maelstrom of busy work and travel.
I'm glad to see you all care so much! (sniff, sniff) It's touching, really.
It'll probably take me a bit to get back to my usual snippy, snarky, sarcastic self, as I haven't even been online much to read the news that pisses me off.

Jeremy came down to Iowa with me for Thanksgiving and met my family, including my son. Those two had so much fun together! It was rather cute. Friday morning while cleaning the kitchen, I saw my son walk up to my boyfriend and tell him a secret. I saw Jeremy smile and give Gabe a big hug and kiss on the cheek. I asked him later what that was about, and he told me that Gabe had whispered to him that he loved him. I thought that was really sweet.

I'll try to keep up with the posting now that shit isn't so hectic, but after the month of December, my posting may slow down a bit. Right now Jeremy and I are looking for a new apartment in Minneapolis, so around the first of the year, we'll be busy moving, and I don't know what my wireless connection will be like.
We're moving in together. Oh my God.

Right now I'm sitting in Sociology with a teacher who can't control her class. Talking about government waste (time and energy)...now there's beating a dead horse. Nationalized health care, preventative medicine, insurance, blah blah blah.

I'm not going to make up for all the Words of the Day I've missed, because that would be a damned long list. So here we go with today's

Word of the Day
Maelstrom: (noun)
1. A large, powerful, or destructive whirlpool;
2. Something resembling a maelstrom; a violent, disordered, or turbulent state of affairs.

He's Ba-ack!

2005-11-22T22:39:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day
Chillax: (conjugated verb) Chill out, and relax.

Yeah, so the man's back and I'm a happy camper once again. Skipped school today, even, just so I could spend some time with him. He took me out for lunch and a couple of beers. It was nice.
Finally got laid.

Back to the grind tomorrow. Have a happy holiday for everyone who celebrates. He's meeting my family Thursday. Meeting my son. I've never introduced a boyfriend to my child, so this is a big step for me.
For those of you who don't celebrate Thanksgiving, have a couple beers because it's Thursday and you're not working.

Cum or Come?

2005-11-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

It's come, dammit!

As per the suggestion of a fellow blogger, I decided to click the old "Next Blog" button in the upper right-hand corner. I came to a blog dedicated to the technicalities of SIRIUS Satellite Radio. So I clicked "Next Blog" again. It brought me to the blog of a woman giving herself a relationship Q&A. It was like reading some cheesy Harlequin Romance novel. I will not link it here; just trust me when I say, "It's cheesy." She refers to her snatch as her "wetness." That should say it all.
One of the things that irks me most in the world of literature, technological or written, is the misspelling of the alternate word for orgasmic release. The word is "come" people, not "cum!"
I have actually heard people refer to this in the past tense as "cummed." As in, "I cummed all over that bitch's face."

Cummed...idiots.

Word of the Day
Lambent: (adjective)
1. Playing lightly on or over a surface; flickering
2. Softly bright or radiant; luminous
3. Light and brilliant.

Two Posts In One Day?

2005-11-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

Ever since I saw the Final Destination movies, I've had disturbing images of crashes pop into my head whenever I drive. Or whenever I see a plane landing or taking off. I can hear the sound of crunching metal and people screaming. This is not a good thing when you're driving seventy miles per hour down the freeway and see an incoming 747 descending just ahead of you. Anyone from the Cities knows that it's kind of creepy driving on Highway 62 next to the airport. Anyhow, remember the opening crash scene in FD2 where the big log falls off of the semi and goes through the cops head? Well, check this out. Then go see the video. It takes about 45 seconds, but you'll see the vehicle that was hit.

"...the government spent more each year on treating its addicts than it did on military aid to countries such as Colombia to fight the drug producers."
Hmm...I doubt that. Most addicts just go to jail, where they do NOT receive treatment.

This got me pissed. I cannot believe that there are people who still think that American is not afraid of, or in bed with, the Saudis. If it were an American citizen that had committed this crime, they certainly wouldn't have gotten to choose where they spent their year. Are they going to provide a nice hand-woven silk rug on which he'll kneel and pray to Mecca five times daily? Probably.

Remember my religious post yesterday? Church really is a money-making scheme.

And finally, what post would be complete without ragging on Paris Hilton? She's got a new book out, faithful readers. It's called Your Heiress Diary ~Confess It All to Me~. This is a good review of the nincompoo...I mean, novelist.

I'll be back later with the Word of the Day. Later, 'Taters!

Catching My Breath

2005-11-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

Here's a little treat for anyone who thinks retards are as funny as I think they are.

Hang on...I've gotta pee after that. Whew!

Was that insensitive of me? Eh...who cares?

Does God Have Dish Network?

2005-11-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and try to piss off my religious blogfriends out there.

Why is it that religious activist-types constantly preach about how wrong abortion is; how it interferes with "God's Plan," yet fight so vehemently for advances in medical technologies and drug testing? Don't those things interfere with "God's Plan" as well?
It seems to me that if one bodily function can be described as a "miracle of life," then the opposite must also be true. I'm pretty sure being opposite doesn't make it the "Devil's Work." Disease and death are just as much a part of the life cycle as conception and birth. If the life cycle was "created" by a spiritual being, whatever you may call it, then all functions and progressions of the body are creations as well, and if one shouldn't be tampered with, nor should any others.

Also...

Why has every female televangelist I've ever seen looked like an enraged clown? They all wear very heavy blue eye makeup with black liquid liner and thick black mascara. They all have bleached-blonde hair protected by an inpenetrable dome of AquaNet. Most of them have identifiable plastic surgery (the woman I specifically have in mind is the wife of one Rev. Jack VanImpe). Where are they getting all this money? I wasn't aware that preaching the Word of the Lord was such a lucrative business, but since the inception of Rev. Schaeffer's Hour of Power or whatever the hell it's called, Christian televangelists seem to be doing quite well for themselves. That makes me wonder where all the money that good Christian people "tithe" to these programs really goes?

There is a Christian non-denominational church in Austin, MN (pop. 27,000) that was built for the low, low price of $4.5 million. The place looks like a glorified machine shed (complete with beige permanent siding and no steeple) parked on the west side of town in the middle of an open lot. You go inside, you'll see a lot of cheap drywall covered by antique white Dutch Boy and a sanctuary with some pews and a lot of folding chairs. But the technology in that church is any production geek's wet dream, complete with the most up-to-date, state of the art, digital audio and video equipment. Complete with satellite transmitters. Gotta get the Word out! They do NOT, however, broadcast any of their services.

My family scoffs because I don't attend church.
I scoff because they do.

Serenity Now!

2005-11-17T12:18:00.000-08:00

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Words of the Day...sorry, I've been slacking.
Prestidigitation: (noun) skill in or performance of tricks; sleight of hand.

Kobold: (noun) in German folklore, a haunting spirit, gnome, or goblin.

Rubicund: (adjective) inclining to redness; ruddy; red.

It's a Twistuh! It's a Twistuh!

2005-11-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

Here's some footage of the tornado that ripped apart the town of Woodward, Iowa on Saturday afternoon. My brother attends military school here. My mom finally got through by telephone last night; apparantly this tornado hit three blocks south of the academy.

Pretty neat, huh?

Back to the Grind

2005-11-13T23:04:00.000-08:00

I started my new job today. Back in the restaurant biz, but the money's okay, so what do you do, right? I did run my ass off, though. It'll be fun. I worked with some cool people today so I'm sure I'll like it.

Word of the Day
Ebullient: (adjective) A. overflowing with enthusiasm or excitement; high-spirited, B. boiling over.

How About the Weather?

2005-11-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

Here in Minneapolis we've been having an unusually mild autumn. Today it was a balmy 60 degrees outside, with showers off and on throughout the day. When I was pulling away from my place on my way to go visit Jeremy, the sun began to shine through the rain. It was nice.
I had to go to Target to buy some cheap black shoes for my new job which begins tomorrow. I decided to ride the bus, since I had driven all the way to Anoka only to get a little lost and miss check-in for visiting. Bum-mer!
On my way back home, my grandmother called me (Happy 77th Grandma!) and told me that a tornado had just ripped through the town where my 15 year-old brother is attending military academy. Well, it looks like those boys will have some cleaning up to do! Eh, keep 'em busy. You know...idle hands.

Now a couple of hours later, here I sit sipping on my second Miller High Life (shut up, it was cheap and I'm poor), when I hear a great peal of thunder. As previously stated, this is quite unusual weather we're having for Minnesota (and Iowa) in November. Well, anyone who knows me knows that I love me a thunderstorm. Oh, yeah. There's nothing better than cuddling on the sofa (or in bed) with your honey; the lights turned out, the TV off, and just listening to the storm. And perhaps making out a bit. But, noooooo; he's in stupid jail in stupid Anoka and won't be out for another nine stupid days.

I hate this thunderstorm.
On to the Word of the Day.
Diadem: (noun) a crown or ornamental headband signifying royalty; regal power or sovereignty; empire as symbolized by the crown.

To all the boys at Woodward Academy, keep on keepin' on! Nick, I hope you're okay (he gets to check my blog during school hours, isn't that cool?).

Socialism...I'll Have to Look Into That.

2005-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a very complex person!

Socialist

92%

Green

67%

Anarchism

67%

Republican

33%

Democrat

33%

Nazi

33%

Communism

33%

Fascism

17%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

And I guess I'm a Red bipartisan Nazi. That's nice to know.

Veteran's Day.

2005-11-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

I know it's Veteran's Day today. I know I'll probably offend someone with the following statements. I know that there is nothing I can do about it, but dammit- this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want, short of threatening the lives of people.

Many schools are not in-service today. What is that about? I remember going to school on Veteran's Day, because the old men from the VFW came with the State and National Banners and said the Pledge of Allegiance (the Under God version, thank you) and if memory serves, we'd sing something like America the Beautiful, and of course, the National Anthem. The students would just be happy to not be in class at the moment. Now they cancel school if a beloved Public Official has a good bowel movement.

Is it really necessary to shut down the Federal government for a day reserved for those who served in our nation's military? Because there are people out in the world that have important, time-sensitive shit coming and going through the United States Postal Service. If we're (soon) going to pay thirty-nine cents for a stamp, please move our letters.

Dammit, I wrote these two beautiful letters to my honey in jail, and my grandma sent me a card in the mail that likely has money in it. They were both supposed to arrive at their given destinations tommorow, but given the "break" the government apparently needed, I won't get the envelope from Grandma until Monday at the earliest, and that means I won't have any money to buy the new work shoes that I need to start my new job on Sunday morning! This means I have to wear my knee-high hooker boots instead of the Sensible Black Shoes that I need to purchase. My dogs are gonna be barking!

Subject Two:
As some of you (or none of you) may know, my apartment is pretty ghetto. I pay $600 a month for a 350 sq.ft. one-bedroom roach motel. I shouldn't even call it that; I've never seen a roach here. Even they can't take it. Lots of spiders, lots of cracks in walls. I owe a little rent still, because Hey, I'm poor! but I almost feel justified in not paying simply because of all the things wrong in the place. I takes about 15 minutes to fill up the kitchen sink for dishes because the faucet sucks. I once came home after work last spring to find a bat flying around in here. That was freaky. It flew past my head twice in the dark before I got to a light switch. It touched my hair. (shudder) There aren't any working outlets in the bathroom. The BATHROOM! Do any of you know how hard it is to curl your nearly waist-length hair standing in the middle of the 10'x15' living room with no mirror? 'Taint easy people!

Oh. My. Gosh. My neighbor upstairs, Harry, just stomped and (no shit) a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling. See? Ghetto.

So this very morning, I was sitting in my living room doing some homework and having some lunch, when my neighbor Dyke Downstairs, came a-knocking. She came to tell me that we were all supposed to evacuate the building because there was a gas leak. Well, thank God she came and got me. I could have been blown up! I was just getting ready to hit my bong. I could have flicked my Bic (and my ass) straight into oblivion! So I changed out of my pajamas, threw all the important stuff (like everything for school, laptop included) into my backpack and headed out-of-doors. I parked on the front steps of the building, watched traffic, and smoked a couple of wunnies while listening to some tunes on the trusty mp3 player. While out there I was hit-on twice by the same dirty man walking by -an African immigrant that smelled like something unidentifiable.

A half-hour and some frozen toes later, we were let back into the building. All's safe, apparently, though I'm still leery. Dyke Downstairs told me that we're getting storm windows! That's fuckin great because last winter was really damned cold. Windows rattling all the time, waking a person up in the middle of the night. Now if only we could do something about the bats.

The Word of the Day is
Puissant: PWISS-uhnt, (adjective) powerful; strong; mighty.

Funny, I'd have thought that a faggy, Frenchy-like word such as that would have meant the direct opposite! The English language is baffling, isn't it?

Home?
Cracks run down the walls
One hundred twenty-five years
Pay too much for this

Quiz Day

2005-11-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Lots of quizzes I've taken today. I took a sexual IQ quiz and got a 128; I scored higher than 95% of the people who had taken that quiz, with highest knowledge of "Safer Sex Practices." Do the results of that quiz make me a slut or just well practiced? I'm just curious. I didn't have much to do today by way of entertainment- well, other than take quizzes online and chat with Difster.

I got another letter from Jeremy today. This one ended a bit pornographically, I've got to admit. I haven't blushed like that in a long time. I've said it before and I'll say it again- his writing skills are laudable. Shortly after I finished writing him back, he called me. We only got to speak for a couple minutes, but man it was worth it. I miss him terribly, folks. He told me that he misses the smell of my hair, so I sent (along with the 8-page letter; 5 last night, 3 today) a Puffs tissue with a few drops of my shampoo on it. It's sealed inside the envelope now, but boy, does it smell nice. Like my hair, which is grapefruit and rose, in case you're wondering.

It's beginning to nauseate me, the way I fawn over this man. I'm not used to feeling this way about anyone. I typically wear the pants in a relationship, but such is not the case this time around. I kinda like being free of the reigns for once. Present situation aside, I really think he and I have something good. He's finally getting over his hang-ups and is beginning to be straight with me about his feelings. I guess jail will do that to a person...break down walls 'n' shit.

I wait in anticipation for the day we get to return to our lives and move forward together.
Ugh...I'm a shell of my former self. Just nauseating.
Doubtful I'll stop.

Perhaps you weren't paying attention but the Word of the Day is
Laudable: (adjective) worthy of praise; commendable.

The Lost Art of Letter-writing

2005-11-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

As we all know by now, my honey is in the clink. Well, I got the nicest letter from him today. Jeremy is not much of a linguist, nor are his spelling and grammar quite up to par, although punctuation is fair; however, Jeremy Cartwright can write a damn fine letter. So fine, in fact, that I'm going to take a little break right now to read it again...

(sigh)I miss my boyfriend. And he misses me, too.

I am not a very good letter-writer. Well, a good anything writer, for that matter. I know what I want to say in my letter back to him, but I know that once I try to write it out, it'll disappear. I'll sit there and stare at the paper, not knowing where to start. Just like I do everyday with my blog, here!

Thirteen days to go...

(Fanfare) And the Word of the Day is:
Oneiric: (adjective) of, pertaining to, or suggestive of dreams; dreamy.

Scraps: a haiku
Scraps of white paper
Discarded into a box
All your dreams in ink

Still No Boyfriend

2005-11-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

So he didn't get the day-pass. His mom went and picked up his keys today; she brought them to be and I went over to his place and picked up a bit. You know, dishes and laundry and the like. I also got any old food out of the fridge and took out the trash. I'm such a good girlfriend, aren't I?
I really just wanted to get my razor back. I found his stash in the freezer and took it. I'm guessing he'll be on probation or something once he gets out, so he can't smoke it, anyhow. It was nice being in there, though. I had to lay on his side of the bed for a little bit and miss him. Sickening, huh? I thought so, too.

Fourteen days left...

The Word of the Day is:
Nosegay: (noun) a bunch of odorous and showy flower; a bouquet; a posy.

I'd have thought nosegay referred to a smelly homo. My mistake!

Drawing Blanks.

2005-11-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

The Word of the Day is:
Propitious: (adjective) presenting favorable circumstances or conditions; favorably inclined; gracious; benevolent.

I have nothing today, folks.
Jer, possibly, gets a day-pass tomorrow so he can get his affairs in order before he goes back to jail for fifteen more days. I won't know until he calls me; if it's during school, I'm taking off and getting some. For real.

Aw...Man!

2005-11-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

Crap just keeps piling up. Now, I'm about to head out of town, and if for some reason my car doesn't make it, I'll be convinced that karma is biting me in the ass for something. A person can only take so much adversity before they quit being the generally happy person they usually are!

*sigh*

Okay. So yesterday Jer had a court appearance for that little mishap back in September. This was at 8am. When I got out of school at 1pm I gave him a call. His phone was off, which I found odd because he should have been home long ago. Uh, oh...bad feeling. Cut to 9pm last night, Jer's mom called me. Apparently, the judge felt it necessary to put him into the Anoka County Workhouse for twenty (now nineteen!) days. Now:
A) he lipped off to the judge (possible);
B) he tried jumping the bench (also possible, but not likely); or,
C) he didn't have any money to throw down on his fines, so the judge is making him work it off. It's not like he has a job waiting for him out here.

We know Broke-ass Jeremy and have decided that C is the most likely scenario. Monday evening, Jane his mother, and I will be going to his place to pack up his things because apparently he doesn't plan on going back there. Since he has no money, no job, and is now in jail, essentially, this seems like a decent plan. He'll probably end up at his mom's for a little while; doubtful he'll end up here with me- I don't think we're ready for that, yet, but if it comes down to it, then sure, I'll take him. After all, I do live much closer to the comedy scene than his mother does. And I like him. Come to think of it, splitting rent here wouldn't be bad...

Nope. Not yet.

So any ModBloggers that may be reading this- Sorry, folks! Don't know what else to tell ya. Swing by here for updates, I guess, because I don't have the proper authorization to invade His Blogdom. I don't have any more information right now, but I'll notify you (namely Ford 'n' Evil) accordingly. I don't even know if I can go visit him or write him letters. I am sad. Poor guy; I can't wait to see him.
Eighteen days...

Word of the Day
Dapple:
1. (noun) a small contrasting spot or blotch; a mottled appearance, especially of the coat of an animal (as a horse).
2. (adjective) marked with contrasting patches or spots; dappled.
3. (transitive verb) to mark with patche of a color or shape; to spot.
4. (intransitive verb) to become dappled.

Try using all four variations tomorrow!

Ranting

2005-11-03T16:17:00.000-08:00

Today's Word of the Day is:
Mores: [mohr-AYS](pl. noun) the fixed customs of a particular group that are morally binding upon all members of the group; moral attitudes, customs, habits, or ways.

Suck it up, dude. Now the prices at Home Depot will go up to pay for the legal fees and whatever settlement the courts deem worthy for this man that got his ass glued to a toilet seat. Didn't he look at the seat before plopping his butt on it? I don't know about you folks, but I always wipe down the seat of a public toilet before I use it. And wash your hands, people!

Does this surprise anyone? It didn't surprise me. Decent filmmaker, sure; it seems he's just a little lacking in the personality department. Of course, M&M isn't the only "celebrity" that preaches one thing then turns around and does another. When I see these little articles bitching about some celebrity done somebody wrong, I think, "So the fuck what?" I believe that everyone should follow suit, thus eradicating crappy articles about B-list celebrities that pissed someone off.

Okay, now I'd like to know who thought it'd be a good idea to give elementary-aged kids sexual literature. That's like sticking first-graders in a class where they tell them that pot and beer will kill you and destroy your family. What? They do that too? That's right! They call it DARE. Crap, my child is doomed.

Well, by the time Ms. Wallace gets out of prison that student will be well on her way to wearing a mullet and changing her name to Chris. Maybe by that time they'll be able to have the wedding they've always dreamed of...two brides in white. One question remains, though; why wouldn't Ms. Wallace get charged with statutory rape? Is it possibly due to the lack of phallic penetration? Just curious.

How about we cancel Christmas all together? No more bitching about Jesus or Santa Claus. Better yet, let's cancel all holidays, that way NO ONE can have any fun! If the foundation of Christmas may not be displayed publicly, then neither may a menorah during Chanukah, nor whatever little display folks do for Qwanzaa (who knows, right?). Valentine's Day abolished! It's named after a saint; part of the Catholic church, therefore Christian. It must go! Flag day? That's not the country I was born in...those Stars and Stripes offend me, they do! Hallowe'en must go. It's a pagan holiday; it offends me, too! Thanksgiving, of course, has to go as well. Who are we thanking? Not Allah, certainly! Do not push your religion onto me!
Do these bastards even realize the double-standard they are setting? They're imposing their religious (or non-) beliefs onto me just as much as the oppposite is true. For some reason, I just don't think that they do.

Let me get this straight- it's wonderful if a person "comes out" as being gay, but if that person decides that it isn't the right way for him to live, he is ostracized by the community that was so quick to embrace him? Just checking.

Thanks, WorldNetDaily, for giving me fodder for my blog.

Not Much.

2005-11-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day:
Subfusc: (adjective) dark or dull in color; drab, dusky.

I'm feeling a little subfusc today. Kinda drab, kinda murky. Kinda bored. The homework's done, the boyfriend is out of town, and the TV is probably in some pawn shop, sold off for crack. Nothing on on Wednesdays, anyhow. They say that TV rots your brain, but I'm pretty sure blogging does, too. I can't prove this, yet, but it'll happen. I wonder what quality programming I'm missing on PBS?

It's 7:40 pm and, already, I want to go to bed. Isn't that sad? I've got a belly-full of Ramen and green beans; maybe I'll just crawl in the sack and read some Stephen King and listen to NPR. Now, I could waste space here and bitch about the economy, the president, or any number of polititians (or any celebrity for that matter), about any number of subjects that piss me off, but where would I begin? With whom would I start? How do I narrow down the list? I'm so irked about so many things right now, I can't even decide which is nagging me the most.

I'll just leave you with these thoughts: Bill O'Reilly is full of shit; Chocolate-covered English toffee is good; The earth is of no significance in the grand scheme of things; The War on Drugs is a farce; I like Sharp Cheddar cheese on Wheatables crackers.

Playing Catch-up pt. 2

2005-11-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Hello, faithful reader(s). How's it been? Well, this week had a better start to it than last week, that's for sure. I miss my TV more than I thought I would. Eh...I'm not going to dwell on it.

The joke writing has come to a screeching halt. I can identify material easily enough, but I just can't seem to find the twist that makes it funny. It's frustrating as hell. Alas! I am but a neophyte and have much, yet, to learn.

People seem to be quiet, these days. Is it the weather? Are people getting depressed due to the impending onset of winter? It's been pretty nice here in the Cities...sunny and 50-60 degrees for the past week. Tomorrow is supposed to be 65, then it starts going downhill from there. I've already had to scrape frost off my car windows, twice. That's depressing, isn't it? Where did the summer go?

So everyone had a good Halloween? Great; I hope you all enjoyed the Razor-licious apples I set out. Now Xmas can officially begin. I was appalled two weeks ago to walk into a department store to hear Xmas muzak already. Decorations and sale items displayed for the hapless matrons hoping to get the "good deals" while they still have money amidst this lull between summer gas prices and winter heating bills. Lordy knows we're all gonna be broke soon enough. Stores are already bitching about not making enough money this holiday shopping season. Give me turkey at Thanksgiving and booze at New Year's and that's all the holiday season I need. Or can handle, for that matter.

Speaking of quiet people, I think things on the relationship front are not all happy as they were just a short time ago. He's pensive; I find him staring at me a lot while lying in bed. I can feel him staring (glaring?) at me while my eyes are closed. I'll open my eyes and bust him. I ask why; he shrugs me off. He's cooled, a bit. Still is very sweet, but just doesn't seem to care a whole lot either way. This all started with a very dumb decision on my part that took place Thursday night. He told me I had permission, but I think once it finally came down to it, he didn't like it at all; now either he's preparing to break up with me, or I'm just paranoid. Oh well, I guess I'll find out soon enough, won't I?

Neophyte: (noun) a new convert or proselyte; a novice or beginner in anything.

Update:
He's been writing haiku; I can, too.

"Can't wait to break up."
He said he didn't mean it;
Then why was it said?

Update pt. 2
You said you're sorry;
Apology accepted.
Now let's go make out.

The Backstory
This is so juvenile...
I made out with some guy out of sheer curiosity. We had liked each other for some time, but were both attached and not willing to end our respective relationships. We decided to fool around...no sex.
I had (have) permission to have sex with other men as long as I tell Jeremy about it afterward. Weird, huh? Well, Jer walked up on us like nothing was happening; we went home and had angry sex; on both our parts. He, I assume, because he found me making out with this guy; myself, because I don't like that he's given me this kind of freedom. I will take full advantage if given the opportunity, and that's not how I want this to go down. He says it's only cheating when it gets emotional. He wants me to believe he's unaffected by this, but I don't know. Sometimes I really think I like him more than he likes me. He acts like he's got no feelings to hurt, and that bothers me. If that's really the case, then this relationship is one-sided. I know his problem in relationships is apathy...and that's exactly what I'm dealing with here. Be pissed, be happy, just don't be apathetic.
So this afternoon he said something that hurt my feelings (read the first haiku), but retracted it when I told him that it did, in fact, hurt my feelings; also, that if that's what he really wanted, it could be quickly arranged. I began to gather my things and he told me he was sorry and that he didn't want me to "go anywhere any time soon." Gee, thanks. Instill some confidence in me, please.
Simply put, I've got it bad for this dude and he knows it, yet chooses to act as if it's unimportant to him.

If you don't care either way about me, I'd rather you just left me alone.
I hope he reads this tonight.

Slack mode.

2005-10-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

I'm busy. I've got nothing to write about. I've been writing more jokes lately. Jeremy bought me a little pocket 5star notebook to keep around to write down my random thoughts. I love it. I write jokes while sitting in Sociology class. Maybe I'll let one of the new ones out soon. I really want to get on stage...I just don't know if I'm ready. Lack of material, et al.
I'll post the Word of the Day later on. Gonna go drink some bloody mary's now.

I hate the cops.

2005-10-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today's Word of the Day is:
Virago: (noun) a woman of extraordinary stature, strength, and courage; a woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing.

Well, we know that yesterday was a bit of a bummer for me, but to top it off at the end of the night, the city of Minneapolis gave me a parking ticket in a legal spot right in front of my building. I had only been there an hour or so. They're so quick to pounce on the good guy, aren't they? Where the fuck were they when my house was being robbed? Needless to say, I'm fighting this one in traffic court. I don't have $34 to shell over to those bastards. They're not even doing their jobs, as far as I'm concerned.
Fucking cops.

I think today's Word of the Day suits me quite well. Agree?
You better.
Fuck.

Theiving Cunts.

2005-10-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well, faithful reader(s), I was robbed. For real. Someone came in to my home and stole things from me. Well, two things. My TV and my DVD player. Didn't take any movies, didn't even take the remotes to either of them. Theiving cunts.
Thankfully, earlier on in the evening, I decided to take my laptop to the comedy club so I could work on some homework while I waited for my honey to finish. Even more thankfully, I decided to stay at his place last night. I may not have been here today to bruit over this event to you. I could have been killed; I'm positive this person went into my bedroom.
I came home this morning before school to take a shower only to find my door wide open and my living room light on; also, my TV and DVD player gone. They didn't even take my Nintendo 64...it was sitting right there, for pete's sake? Theiving cunts.
Now I am very sad. I feel quite victimized, as this is not the first time that I've been robbed while living in my current place of residence. In the past year and three days, my car has been vandalized twice and my apartment has been broken into twice. This is the first time anything was taken from my house, though.
So does anyone know what happened in General Hospital today?
I have no TV to watch it.
Can't watch the World Series.
Can't watch football on Saturday or Sunday or Monday.
Can't watch Jeopardy!
And of course, no General Hospital.

Here's the Word of the Day:
Bruit: (transitive verb) to report; to noise abroad.

Playing Catch-up

2005-10-24T13:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, since I've slacked over the weekend, we've got some catching up to do on the Words of the (past few) Day(s).
Loquacious: (adjective)very talkative; wordy.
Orotund: (adjective) characterized by fullness; clarity, strength and smoothness of sound; pompous; bombastic.
Umbrage: (noun) shade, shadow; a vague or indistince indication or suggestion; reason for doubt or suspicion; suspicion of injury or wrong.

Jordis and Me.
Whew! Got that out of the way!
So I went back home and got the pictures back from the American Headcharge show. The pic with Jordis turned out well, I think. I was pretty lit by that time. Here's my buddy Armando and myself. We were both pretty lit by that time.

Mondo and Me.

Time to go eat some Shrimp Ramen with Lime. Don't tell Jeremy, though; he doesn't like it when I eat Ramen. But what do you do when you're broke and hungry? Thaaaaat's right; eat Ramen.

In response to Bane's meme

2005-10-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Two names I go by:
1. Mommy
2. Jen

Two things that scare me:
1. My son growing up like his father
2. Being a failure

Two of my Everyday Essentials:
1. Water
2. Food

Two things I am wearing right now:
1. My boyfriend's "Hemp: It's Everywhere You Want to Be" t-shirt
2. My favorite "church jeans"

Two things I want in a relationship:
1. Honesty
2. Great sex

Two truths:
1. Men are not stupid, just simple
2. Chicks are nuts

Two things I hate:
1. Bad grammar/diction/typos
2. The public in general

Two physical things that appeal to me:
1. Large penis
2. Stick-out ears

Two of my favorite hobbies:
1. Getting fucked up
2. Having angry sex

Two things I want really badly:
1. Someone to share my life with that doesn't want marriage
2. My Babydaddy to get his fucking act together

Two places I want to go on vacation:
1. Backpacking in Mongolia
2. Backpacking through Europe.

Two things I want to do before I die:
1. Produce my own travel documentaries
2. Perform stand-up comedy

Two ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. I like gifts
2. I like chocolate

Two things I wouldn't normally admit:
1. I'm not as cool as people think I am
2. I like David Allen Coe

Political Goings-On

2005-10-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today Saddam went to court, pled not guilty, and now court is adjourned until November 28, I believe. He wouldn't confirm his identity (chicken shit), mouthed off to the court (child), and insists on claiming he's still the ruler of Iraq (egomaniac). The citizens of Iraq are really gunning for execution; I say fire away. Go read this strip. It's funny.

Speaking of government officials going to court...
There is now an arrest warrant out for Tom DeLay for money laundering and something else- I forget...was it fraud? Those two typically go together. I'm too lazy before bed to Google it. As if he didn't make enough money being the House Speaker, he had to earn extra pelf illegally.
Now Karl Rove is under the gun for leaking the name of a CIA agent to the press. Feds are seriously considering pressing charges.
Is anyone noticing a pattern happening within the Republican party? It seems that the people Dub appointed are all turning out to be crooked. Pretty soon we'll find that Condi Rice is embezzelling money to get her teeth fixed!
Bad things are happening in Washington, folks.

On to the Word of the Day...
Pelf: (noun( money, riches, or gain; generally conveying the idea of something ill-gotten.

You Think I Ain't Worth a Dollar, But I Feel Like a Millionaire. Well, a Fiver, At Least

2005-10-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

I knew it...my blog isn't worth a damned penny. Thanks, Bane, for reminding me just how worthless I really am. The sad this is, I knew exactly what the answer would be, yet I went anyhow. Isn't that sick? It's like an itch you just have to scratch, isn't it? In any case, here's the Word of the Day for all my votaries whom's blogs probably are worth something.

Votary: (noun) 1. One who is devoted, given, or addicted to some particular pursuit, subject, study, or way of life; 2. A devoted admirer; 3. A devout adherent of a religion or cult; 4. A dedicated believer or advocate.

Time to hit the books again. I'm only here because I needed a little break from the Sociology notes I've been taking for the past three hours. Now it's on to Mass Media Law & Ethics. Now there are two things that just don't sound right together, huh?
Have a good one, folks.

Ranting

2005-10-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Day is
Aberrant: (adjective) markedly different from an accepted norm; deviating from the ordinary or natural type; abnormal.

Come on, Wilma. Come on, Wilma! Come on, Wilma!!!
They're saying it'll hit the Naples, Fla area; too bad. I was really hoping for the three inches of rain that'll sink New Orleans again.
Does that make me a bad person? Maybe... Do I care? Not at all.

People in this area are bitching about the colors of the fall leaves not being as brilliant as in years past. Of course, the typical culprit is being blamed...that dratted global warming. Fuck off, people! It takes at least three hours of 30 degree temperatures to turn off the chlorophyll in the trees, thus bringing out the bright reds, oranges, and yellows. Fall leaves are pretty, granted, but hitting 75 in the middle of October is so much better! A year ago today, here in the Cities, we had snow. Today, I went golfing after school. I wore shorts and sandals! I've got my windows open in my apartment! Quit wishing for cold weather, dammit!

Rocky VI? Give me a God-damned break! Let a dead dog lie, would you Sly? This is one movie I will not be seeing.

Also in recent news, fourteen Neo-Nazis are being blamed for rioting in North Toledo, Ohio. I've had people bitch to me about the views of these people and how they shouldn't be protected by the First Amendment. What?! Are you fucking insane? Let's start over here...
No one wants to look at the fact that (bigots though they be) the Neo's weren't the ones inciting riots. They were publicly and peacefully gathered, stating their horribly skewed opinions. That is their right, and who are we to commit prior restraint? This blame would be better aimed toward the black people that started throwing rocks at innocents and set buildings on fire. Does this suprise anyone? It seems that rioting is a favorite passtime for our African-American...wait, black citizens. This hyphenated American shit is a post saved for another day. Once we start silencing one group of citizens, others will soon follow. Pretty soon, gay people can't demonstrate, religious people can't demonstrate, war opposers can't demonstrate.
Personally, I'd rather see fuckheads like the Neo's demonstrate their aberrant views publicly because then I can keep an eye on their goings-on. Take the Islamic sleeper cells here in the States, for example. I wish they'd hold public demonstrations, because then we'd know where they are and what they are up to. If I don't like what a group has to say, I can a) Go across the street and hold my own signs, or b) Go home and hate them privately. Either way, Freedom of Speech is a right granted to us all, regardless of opinion.
Also, if this were Black Panthers holding a rally and white folks started inciting riots, who the hell do you think would be blamed for the ensuing fight? The white folks, thats who. We can't win! It seems these days that minorities have all the freedom of expression they can handle (and can't handle it well), but who is here to protect white people? No one. We're just racists if we speak out. You know it, I know it.

Okay, I'm out of steam. Time to watch South Park and get my head screwed on straight before bedtime. Nighty-night folks.

Nap Time

2005-10-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm ready for a nap. After a full eight hours of sleep, for once, Jer and I got up and went to his brother's house for breakfast. I've stated before that my honey can throw down with the best of 'em, but apparently, so can Tim. Tim says he learned from Jeremy, so I guess it makes sense that he can cook too. Omelets and bloody marys. Mmm.

After this, we all got down to business, i.e. the actual reason we went over there. We began wrenching on my car for a while. Now, hopefully, emissions testing won't be brought back in this state any time soon, because Tim drilled a two inch diameter hole in my catalytic converter, gutted it out and welded it closed again. The car runs much better, and he said that I should start getting better gas mileage, as well. He did it to his truck last fall and its been running like a champ ever since. My baby is too. She's purring like a kitten in a tin can...my Saturn sounds like a death machine barrelling down the road, yet not loud enough to be pulled over by the pigs.

After a couple bloodies and three beers, Jeremy and I went to his comedy troupe's practice session. They've got a big gig on Halloween night at the Varsity theater in Dinkytown. It's coming along quite nicely...many funny skits.

We're home now and I'm feeling a bit lackadaisical about doing homework. Much like you all are about reading this post, I'm sure. I've got a couple chapters of notes to take for Mass Media Law & Ethics and Sociology, but I just don't feel like doing it. That's all I've done all weekend is take fucking notes. Well, that and drink.

Word of the Day-
Lackadaisical: (adjective) lacking spirit of liveliness; showing lack of interest; languid; listless.

Sweetest Day?

2005-10-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today's Word of the Day is
Abjure: (transitive verb) to abstain from, renounce, or reject; to shun.

Today I abjure from drinking. Well, drinking heavily (as I sip on a can of Miller High Life). Hey, it isn't called the "Champagne of Beers" for nothing, folks! Jeremy and I drank way too much last night. His corporate gig went well, considering the shitty acoustics and what-not. Read more about that in yesterday's update.

Due to the two hours of sleep he got the night before (partially my fault) he was very, very sleepy when he got home from work. But he brought home some beer, made me dinner while I took a nap (I cleaned the apartment), and we commenced to drinking after dinner. Due to his excessive sleepiness, he decided that he was not going to do comedy. Well, after about a 6-pack a piece and a couple of joints with neighbor, Angus, he decided, sure we'll go do some comedy. Good thing he did, too; he was scheduled to emcee.

So we got to the Corner Bar and nearly all the performing comics were in the bag. This never happens. A couple of guys might go on stage with a little buzz, but most of them take their first beers on stage with them. Gotta have a straight head and all that. Last night this was not the case. They were all drunk before the show and the last three guys (out of twelve) were hammered by the time they came up. This made for a great show in a packed house.
The show ran from 10pm to midnight; we stayed at the bar and socialized for a while afterward. There were some Wisconsin Badger fans in there due to the impending game today (which the Gophers ultimately lost), that were shouting their battle cries. This did not go over well in the Corner Bar, which is located in Dinkytown. Dinkytown is what the locals call the part of Minneapolis that surrounds the University of Minnesota. Needless to say, the Badger fans were quickly out-chanted.

We then came home, had some crazy sex for a couple of hours (yes, for two hours) then slept in until 3:30 this afternoon. I woke up this morning with a horribly sore throat- I think it's from all the screaming I did. Thank God for Astroglide or it would have been much worse. Gotta love anal!

Thanks, everyone, for the finger-crossing yesterday. They had a great set, and the people that they needed to perform for loved their material. They get their corporate letters and payment on Tuesday. I'm still so proud of my honey. He just ran to the grocery store...I wonder what he's making for dinner tonight?

It better be good...I'm fucking starving.

Well, This is It

2005-10-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

No Word of the Day right now- this is just a quick post. I'll finish it later.

Today my honey has a nooner. Ha, ha, filthy minds, not that kind. As you may or may not know, he does stand-up comedy here in the Twin Cities. He's good, too; and that's not just me talking.

Anyhoo, today he has a great opportunity- a corporate gig for Best Buy and the United Way. It's being held in the Best Buy Corporate Headquarters out in Bloomington, in which he has to do 15 minutes of "Disney clean" material. Now this may prove daunting for him, as he's a bit of cusser. This is an excellent event to put on his resume, and could really make or break his upcoming national tour. This even could mean sponsorship (which, as of yet, he does not have).

So, do me a favor, faithful reader(s)...just keep your fingers crossed for him...he really needs this.

I'm so proud of him.

Update:
Okay, kids, here's the Word of the Day:
Sinecure: (noun) an office or position that requires or involves little or no responsibility, work, or active service.

Very similar to the presidency, eh? Let the Cabinet make all the decisions while you relax and get hummers in the Oval Office. Have Karl Rove think for you while you relax and play Chutes and Ladders in the Blue Room.

So the gig went fairly well, I guess. Jer went a little short, as he forgot a couple of jokes. They were his best two, as well, but eh- it was still a great set. No F-bombs were dropped and that is what he was really worried about. It was located in the atrium of the BBHQ while all the corporate types were having their lunches. The acoustics were awful, though. Too-high ceilings, too-open space; you know the drill. The people were laughing, but for some reason were reluctant to applaud. That's pretty typical of Cities audiences, though, I've noticed. They'll laugh their pants off, but won't applaud. It's weird. I've heard from some of the comics I know that audience here are really stiff reactors. The important thing is, that Jer and the other three comics will be getting their corporate thank you's on nice letterheads from Best Buy and the United Way. That shit looks fantastic in a portfolio, and a comic can get a lot of mileage from a good corporate letter, so "Bravo, honey!"

Then we went back to the Caribou Coffee where he and another comic, Wayne, work and he made me a killer mocha, complete with chocolate-covered coffee beans and chocolate shavings so that when I got to the bottom of the cup there was a huge glob of chocolate waiting for me to slurp up. Mmm! Bought myself a pound of Sumatran Peaberry that I can't wait to brew later tonight (I was thinking of you, Salt).

Your Poli-Sci Lesson for the Day

2005-10-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Day for today is
Conurbation: (noun) ann aggregation or continuous network of urban communities.

Like where I live. The Twin Cities, as you may know, is not just made up of Mpls/ St. Paul, but a veritable conurbation wherein just over one million people work and play.

I'm feeling a bit political today. Reading the paper first thing in the morning usually does that to me. I'm not a huge George Will fan, but his commentary in this morning's Star-Tribune was dead-on. It is in regards to the nomination of Harriet Miers as SCOTUS Justice, about which we can all call "Bullshit." Some of his passages almost moved me to applaud, which for Will, is really saying something.

The president's "argument" for her amounts to: Trust me.
Yeah, I'll not be doing that any time soon. You've been such a great leader thus far, Mr. President.

...the sound principle of substantial deference to a president's choice of judicial nominees will dissolve into a rationalization for senatorial abdication of the duty to hold presidents to some standards of seriousness that will prevent them from reducing the Supreme Court to a private plaything useful for fulfilling whims on behalf of friends.

Isn't that exactly what this presidency has been about? Not only in the case of Supreme Court, but in almost every aspect of this man's reign?
Example one: Dick Cheney- a bosom buddy from good ol' Halliburton. Blatant corporate cronyism through and through.
Example two: the bin Ladin family- millions upon millions of American dollars have been siphoned off by the Bushes to this Saudi family over the span of many years. Their son (albeit estranged) claims responsibility for not only the 1993 WTC bombing, but also for the 2001 WTC (and DC, PA) plane crashes. What does G.W. decide to do? Send hundreds of thousands of people to war in Iraq, while sending the absolute minimum troops to Afghanistan/Pakistan to seek out this son of a bitch. Four years later, what do we hear about the "other war?"
Example three: the subject of the day...Harriet Miers. Personal attorney to the president, but has never held an appointed bench position; also, has no record for having Constitutional interpretation under her belt. Again, cronyism.

Under the rubric of "diversity" --nowadays, the first refuge of intellectually disreputable impulses-- the president announced, surely without fathoming the implications, his belief indentity politics and its tawdry corollary, the idea of categorical representation.

So what, now we have to fall back on Affirmative Action for our appointed government officials? How about we appoint people we know can do the job. No one but George and Laura and their tight-knit circle of friends has any confidence in this woman at all.

She [Miers] has been, he [Robert Jordan] said contentedly, "discriminated against" because of her gender.

Again, I'm going to have to call "Bullshit" on this one. Lets take a look at the Cliff's Notes version of her resume: she was the first female partner at her firm in Texas, of which she later became president- poor little girl. First female president of the Texas State Bar- oh, cry! Later she became the personal attorney of our illustrious El Presidente. Poor Harriet has been horribly wronged and only a SCOTUS appointment would set things right.

Woah, I just had a serious deja vu moment. Must be all the drugs I don't do anymore. If I feel any better later, I might post something amusing for all my (three) faithful readers. You know who you are...

Good Deed for the Day

2005-10-13T00:33:00.000-07:00

After school today, I learned that Tammy (a classmate) had locked her keys in her truck. So I offered to hang out with her while she tried to jimmy the locks open with a wire coat hanger and a screwdriver. She's got a newer Dodge Durango which are made to be virtually impossible to break into. So I ran across the whole parking lot, up four and a half flights of stairs and all the way across the school to the production lab to get a hammer from our burn-out lab director; found out he had no hammer, but he does keep nunchakus (sp?) in a cabinet in the lab. I said, "Aren't those illegal?" He replied amidst a rambling of other words, "Only if you get caught." I think he's an old 'Nam vet or something...he's about the right age, and just the right weirdness. He gave me some heavy-duty socket wrench which I ultimately jammed in her doorframe and used in a crowbar-like fashion.

After about 50 minutes and many men walking by and not offering to help (and one just standing by watching), she hooked the keys and lifted them up with the wire and I crammed my fingers in between the door and the frame and sqeezed the bastards out. We felt so proud of ourselves. In related news, I'll not be eating Ramen noodles when I get home tomorrow; Tammy is taking me out to lunch.

Who says chicks can't get shit done?

The Word of the Day is...
Gewgaw: (noun) a showy trifle; a trinket; a bauble.
I have no clever tie-in to the Post of the Day for this word. It's a dumb word, but I don't pick them.

Update:
It's now 2:30 in the a.m. and I can't get to sleep. I've been lying in bed since midnight; the Dyke Downstairs had her t.v. on so fucking loud I had to turn my clock radio on- which never happens. I can't sleep with music on. I was completely wiped out when I came to bed, and here, two and a half hours later, I am posting to you people about shit that no one cares about but me. I have to be up in less than four hours for school...I can see it now...this is going to be a very long day.

Ahh...That's Better!

2005-10-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Day today is
Palpable: (adjective) A. capable of being touched and felt; perceptible by the touch B. Easily perceptible; plain; distincct; obvious; readily detected.

For instance, my boobs are palpable. Really! They can be touched, groped, fondled, grabbed, pinched, nibbled- or better yet- bitten. But back to the subject at hand...
I haven't been able to post since Sunday because I didn't get wireless service at my boyfriends place. Today, that all changed. We came home from court (his arraignment, not mine) and decided to finally fix his DSL over to Wireless capability so I can use my laptop instead of his slow-ass P.C.

So get this shit; we were sitting in court cracking jokes to each other while waiting for his name to be called (3 1/2 hours we waited), when he said that he loved me. For the first time. So I said, "Nice, honey. You pick the middle of the courtroom to tell me that for the first time! Good thing we're not in front of the J.o.P." Wherein he replied, "I thought it'd be more romantic."
Should I take this seriously? Men, I need your advice- after all, anything you say in court can and will be used against you...

By the way, he doesn't read my blog, so feel free to comment as you will.

I Detect a Win

2005-10-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Day today is
Cant: (noun) A. the idioms and peculiarities of speech in any sect, class, or occupation; jargon. B. the use of pious words without sincerity. C. empty or solemn speech, implying what is not felt; incincere talk, hypocrisy. D. a whining manner of speaking, especially of beggars. E. in video, the sideways tilt of the camera.

I'm just sitting home watching some Packer Football with my honey, sipping on some beer. I gotta say, 35-3 at the half, not too shabby. Granted, we are playing the Saints.

Whoop, here's another touchdown! 42-3 halfway through the third quarter. We lost Najeh Davenport early on...looked pretty bad. Doubt he'll be back for a couple of weeks; don't know the status on him, yet. Thought Al Harris was gone, but he's okay and back on the field. We'll have more later after the ass-kicking is officially over and I'm half in the bag.

Update:
They're warming up Rodgers and that's scary. Honey says he Rodgers completes a first down, he's going to beat off right in front of me. We'll see about that, won't we?

Update, Part Deux:
Kudos to the Green Bay Packers! We're finally on the board! 1-4 is no laughing matter, but at least now we have the same record as the ViQueens. No kudos to Aaron Rodgers, who did not throw for any first downs; the touchdown scored after he was played was a defensive touchdown. And a looooooooong one to boot- second longest in Packer history, I believe. 95 yards on our own kickoff return.

Classic.

The Morning After

2005-10-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

Word of the Day:
Abstemious: (adjective) fastidous, temperate, or abstinent; sparingly used or consumed.

Abstemious is a word that had no place in my vocabluary last night. My friend Armando showed up at my apartment with some beer (of which we each slammed 4) and a little pot (which we smoked). We hopped the bus downtown to First Ave. (a club made famous in the movie Purple Rain) to see American Head Charge. Shortly before their set, I saw this chick that looked really familiar, but it was dark and a little smoky, so I inched closer to take a better look. Alas! It was my very first female crush, Jordis Unga. Remember her? Well, I went up to her and told her I what I thought of her, then we just started talking. It was really cool. She's shorter than I thought she'd be. I've got about 2 inches on her. Then Armando came up and surprised us by taking a picture of us. Then she said, "Here, let's get a real one," for which we posed. When he gets his film developed, I'll be sure to post it here so you all can see my drunk ass fawning over the hottest chick I've ever met.

Cut to the headliners. I'm on the second-level balcony, near the bar, looking down over the main floor. The first song gets played, and who is singing right along with Head Charge? None other than our favorite chick with dreads, Jordis. Rocking her socks off, just for that one song.

Woo Hoo! Touchdown Gophers!

So, I'm listening to music, doing some people-watching while Armando is down in the pit, and the most beautiful specimen of a man comes and stands next to me. We begin to chat and I notice that his pecs are almost as big as my boobs. And that's saying something. So I asked if I could cop a feel, he agreed, so I did. It was nice. After a little making out, he gave me his number, and apparently we have a date on Tuesday. While standing outside halfway up a lightpole looking for Armando to exit First Ave., two guys come up to me and begin to chat me up, ask me why I'm standing way up there, then offer Mondo and me a ride home. So we took it, and they smoked us up with some killer nugs and we went our separate ways. But not before the guy riding shotgun gave me his number, too.

Cut to the Corner Bar, about 11:40 pm. Jeremy hits the stage and opens with a new joke that I hadn't yet heard. It was a joke based on our sex life. It was funny, entitled "Girlfriend Tied Up in the Closet." That has never happened, but who's to say it couldn't, eh? After the show, my friend Jim showed up and we shot some pool, leaving my ex-boyfriend and my current boyfriend to hobnob. They drank together, smoked together, and from what I heard, had quite a nice little conversation. I knew they'd like each other. So I've got Armando's approval, which is good, because he tends to be a better judge of character than I am. He points out the bad ones for me. Apparently, Jeremy is not one of those.

Maybe I won't go on that date Tuesday...

So the four of us drank much more and started throwing darts, since I was kicking everyone's asses on the pool table. We decided on a game of Cricket. Good game, I say. Thirty fucking rounds later we're still going. No one could close out the 18s or the Bulls. So I took my darts, walked up to the board, and stabbed my open slots. This didn't end the game, so I took the liberty of going for Jim, too. I stabbed his two open 18s to end the game and we went to our respective homes, when Jeremy and I commenced to have "Quiet Sex" while Armando slept on the couch. He said he couldn't hear us which is good, I guess, but he was lying out here in the living room taking care of himself.

Shit, we may as well all have been doing it together! After all, they have a lot in common, don't they?

Update:
Congratulations to the Minnesota Golden Gophers for pulling out a great last-second (Literally!) win out of their asses; victory against University of Michigan Wolverines (Go State!) 23-20.

Rockin' Out

2005-10-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Note the Word of the Day and don't become one yourself.
Onus: (noun) a burden, obligation, or disagreeable necessity; a stigma; blame; burden of proof.

So all you metalheads out there, prepare to get Rocked! Thanks to my buddy (and ex-boyfriend) Armando, I get to see one of the hardest, coolest metal bands ever. They're called American Head Charge, and if you guys ever get the chance, go see 'em. They have many useful properties, too. I shall name just a few:
1. If you're pissed about something, listen to them loud. They'll make you feel better.
2. If you've got some chick going down on you, play A. H. C. She'll have a blast.
3. They're a great backdrop for having Angry Sex. We all know how I like Angry Sex, don't we?

I'm speaking from experience on all three instances, so take my advice. Illegally download (or better yet, go out and buy) some American Head Charge. You'll be Oh-So-Glad you did.

Best In the Daylight

2005-10-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Day is
Sempiternal: (adjective) of never-ending duration; having beginning but no end; everlasting; endless.

Like really good sex. Which is best in the light of day. Preferably first thing in the morning. I love morning sex better than almost anything. It just gets me going, like a good cup of coffee or, well, morning sex! I'm one of those strange people that gets energy from a good orgasm; if done at night, it takes me forEVER to fall asleep.

If there's no one around to have sex with, do it yourself. Just like they tell you at the Home Depot...you can do it! Once again, this is usually best done first thing in the morning...preferably before taking a shower. Or maybe while you're in the shower.

The man had to work early this morning, so I stayed home last night. Slept all by myself for the first time in a while. It was nice. No sweaty body warming me up; I got the whole bed to myself. I like to sleep in the middle of the bed, but as we all know, that's nearly impossible when there's someone in there with you! This morning, though, I woke up horny as all get-out. Nothing I could do but pull out the trusty ol' Blue Crush and go to town. Twice.

Ahhhh, morning sex with yourself. As Martha Stewart would say, "It's a good thing."

Slum Lords Suck!

2005-10-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

First things first, today's Word of the Day:
Beneficence: (noun) the practice of doing good; actived goodness, kindness, or charity; a charitable gift or act.

Yeah, I could do with a little beneficence from the landlords. So we've all read about the deluge in my kitchen from last night's post. The roof stopped leaking when it stopped raining this morning! yet, I've seen neither hide nor hair of anyone to repair the huge crack in the stucco that is causing all this leaking. I realize that they can't fill stuff in until it dries out, but maybe come over and assess the situation? Perhaps? I'm paying $600 a month for 500 sq. ft. of shambles. I've been asking for a new kitchen faucet since March...haven't seen that yet. It takes about 10 minutes to fill up the sink to do dishes; the faucet just sprays streams of water everywhere. Then there's the constant smell of someone growing pot in the building. Now this I don't mind...I just wish they'd share! The super and I were discussing this last night...neither of us can figure out where it's coming from. Maybe it's him and he's holding out. I'll get him drunk on Thursday and find out for sure.

I'm so glad my lease is up next month. I'll be renting month-to-month after that. I've been looking around for a new place, and even though the apartments are in better condition, they're still the same price- too much! and the neighborhoods aren't nearly as favorable as the one in which I currently live. The suburbs aren't any less expensive, and they suck ass. I hate the 'burbs- I'm a total city chick. I need the noise of the traffic and the sirens. The smells that waft over from the Thai, Italian, and Mexican restaurants that are all withing seeing distance from my deck are amazing. Even the Dyke Downstairs creates noise on her Drums that I believe I would miss. Just not at 6:30 in the morning, as it sometimes happens.

Post, pt. 2:
I've just learned that Oregon's Death With Dignity Act of 1994 is currently being scruitized by SCOTUS. This is a wonderful law that only helps people near death "go out" in a less painful manner at their own time. If you live in the state of Oregon (or even if you don't) please read up on this law here and perhaps voice your opinion to the Powers That Be that this law needs to be upheld. For the THIRD time! They keep trying to overturn it, it keeps hanging around. Please help it hang around some more. This is a matter about which I feel very passionately.

The saving vote (that of one Sandra Day O'Connor) may not be there anymore when ruling time comes about due to her impending retirement. The vote will be 4-4, the final vote cast by whomever the next Justice happens to be. Let's all hope it isn't Miers, because then we'll all be fucked.

Peace.

We Don't Need No Water Let The Motherfu...

2005-10-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

...cker burn!

Well, not exactly; however, it is raining in my kitchen right now. We're having a helluva thunderstorm which I love; unfortunately, on my floor and the one below me where the patio connects to the building, the torrential rain is seeping into our kitchen ceilings and dripping all over. One good thing did come out of this, though- my building super and I are getting to know each other a little better. He and I have decided to make a drinking game out of the water dripping into the buckets. It's fun, let me tell ya!

He's a lot cooler than I gave him credit for. We've spoken a few times but never got in-depth about anything, so tonight when he came over to help me clean up in the kitchen, we got to talking, naturally, and found we have quite a bit in common. Too bad he's moving out in two weeks. He bought a condo just few blocks away from here, but everything is new. Not like the building in which we currently live- it'd help if our landlords would fix anything, ever.

Since the rain has become quite a veritable deluge, we've slowed the frequency of the tequila shots to every ten drips in the buckets. There are four buckets. This is getting hard...

Quickly with the Word of the Day:
Inchoate: (adjective) in an initial or early stage; just begun; imperfectly formed or formulated.

Angry Sex (Packer Football Pisses Me Off)

2005-10-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

That got your attention, didn't it? Now for the Word of the Day:
Effulgence: (noun) the state of being bright and radiant; splendor, brilliance.

Kinda like me, huh, guys?
So, Monday Night Football is on and my Packers are sucking ASS! Still! 16-7 in the second quarter...nasty. Being that my man is also a Packer Backer, if this game goes how I think it will, we can just vent our frustrations upon each other. Angry sex is always a good time!

Ooh, my grandma just called me and told me she sent me some money today! I love my grandma, she's the best. She always seems to know when I need her the most. All the money I had went toward Boychild's birthday party/gifts/new muffler for my car. In short, I'm motherfuckin' broke, dude! Once in a while she overnight-mails me little care packages with various goodies inside, you know the usual, T.P., toothpaste, chicken noodle soup and cans of tuna (my favorite!). This time I get money. Yay! I can pay my utility bill, now! Good thing it's only $40 bucks. That's over two months, even.

I just realized that I titled this post "Angry Sex" then ended up talking about my saint-of-a-grandmother. Is that strange? Okay, here's something that'll switch my train of thought back to "angry sex mode"- Fucking Packer Turnovers!!!

Ridiculous.

Update:
Flanagan, Diggs, and Murphy all out by the end of the first half and none are returning. Fucking pathetic. Well, hey! A ruling finally went our way; how about that?

Update, part 2:
What a fourth quarter, huh? After a gut-wrenching first half, the Pack clawed it's way back to within a fucking field goal (which they didn't get) and lost (of course) 32-29 against the stupid Panthers.

Now the Pack has done something this week that it's only done 3 times in it's history...0-4...boy, I am depressed.

[untitled]

2005-10-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

So, the party was a success, I suppose. The cake turned out wonderfully (to everyone's surprise), and nobody was seriously injured. Boychild made out like a bandit; got a lot of Spiderman stuff, which is cool. Also, a bike with training wheels.

My baby isn't a baby anymore!

Okay, I'm over that. Now, answer me this...
Why would you send your sick child to a birthday party only to infect every other kid there? I could have just slapped that mom when I heard her boy hacking all over everything. One of the other moms noticed, too. My sister, Boychild, myself and from what I've been told as of this morning, two other children all woke up with raging colds. I gave Boy a nebulizer treatment with the trusty ol' Albuterol, but it didn't seem to help much. Poor little guy is still wheezing like an emphysemiac. That figures, though; I never did trust the medical community.

Word of the Day:
Puerile: (adjective) juvenile; lacking maturity.

This ought to be fun...

2005-09-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

...a bunch of screaming three- to five-year-olds running about the house today. It doesn't start until 4pm, though, so Boychild and I have plenty of time to decorate and take a nap. I didn't sleep for shit last night; the boyfriend called at 11:30 and woke me up (which is okay, because I like him) but then at 5:00 this morning I woke up to the sound of my 16-year-old sister throwing up. So I asked her if she was pregnant, and she just about hit me. Understandable, as I probably would have done the same. She blames it on eating dinner too soon before going to bed last night... We'll see, won't we?

Well, I'll give be giving updates on the progress of the day- the party, my drunk ass, which child started to cry first...

Update:
I forgot to post the Word of the Day earlier, so here goes:

Segue: (intransitive verb) to proceed without interruption; to make a smooth transition.
(noun) the performance of a smooth transition.

Hmm...now that's out of the way. Boychild is napping now, thank goodness, because he was getting might lippy; he then picked up all his toys when prompted, grabbed his purple blanket that my grandmother made, and laid down on the couch. He was out in about three minutes. Now I can (finally) go take a shower and shave my legs! Too bad the man isn't here for this one...
Just got invited by an old friend to go to an Oktoberfest celebration tomorrow afternoon with he and two other guys that I used to party with before I moved to Minneapolis. Ten dollars, all you can drink. Oh, boy, this ought to be interesting to say the very least. Have a good weekend, all; see you on Sunday!

What's that smell?

2005-09-29T03:30:00.000-07:00

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a French Vanilla cake baking in the oven. My baby turns three years old tomorrow (sniffle) and I'm baking his cake today because the Lime Jell-O/ Cool Whip topping needs to set up overnight. Ooh, the oven timer is beeping at me...be right back.

The cake needs a few more minutes. The boychild was a great little helper in mixing the batter, earlier, until he decided to grab a spoon when I wasn't looking and take a HUGE bite of the creamy solution. This, of course, was after licking off a beater (I had one, too) and swiping his finger through the bowl a couple of times, as well. That kid is going to have a belly ache, I know it. It's been said that little boys have growth spurts in October, and I believe it! This kid never stops eating, but he's still just a skinny little booger! I'm so jealous.

I've got the classic rock station cranked on the radio and he's standing here in the kitchen shakin' his money maker and yelling, "My rock and roll!" He is a cutie, I have to admit... although now that Grandma cut off all his beautiful curls (but finally looks like a little boy) he looks uncannily like his father, whereas before he looked more like me. I guess it's the stick-out ears. I always loved guys with stick-out ears. And anyone who has seen his picture knows that he had the most precious, curly blonde hair.

Okay, he keeps falling on his ass and telling me to kiss his "owies"- the three-year-old's way of politely saying "Kiss My Ass, Mom!" I've taught him well. Gotta get the cake out of the oven...mmm, cake.

Whoops, almost forgot the Word of the Day...
Jocund: (adjective) full of, or expressing high-spirited merriment; light-hearted; mirthful.

Update:
So, the cake is done and while I was waiting for it to cool, I had a brilliant plan. My boychild loves lemon, so I decided to split the cake into layers and lay some lemon pudding between said layers. So I get the box of lemon pie filling (pudding) out of the cupboard and commenced to cook as per the instructions. That shit didn't set up at all. It looked like the box had been sitting in Mom's cupboard since 1972 or something. So now the cake has been cut in half (horizontally) and there's nothing in the middle; I took the lemon-flavored goop and glazed the cake inside and outside and stuck it in the fridge. I'm still going to do the lime Cool Whip thing...I think it will turn out okay...Here's hoping.

Boychild is napping and Mommy is drinking a beer (Grain Belt Premium) and munching on a few Sixlets. Remember those little chocolate-flavored balls of crunchy, tooth-rotting goodness?
Beer and chocolate seem to go together so well...

Up and Running

2005-09-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

Word of the Day...
Halcyon: (noun) a mythical bird related to the kingfisher; fabled to nest at sea near the winter solstice and calm treacherous waves during incubation.

Ugh...I hate birds.
Okay, sorry for the slack-ass posting lately; been busy with my honey mostly, but now I'm at my mom's house in Iowa and I didn't bring my laptop for some reason. So now I'm stuck with a crappy dial-up connection that takes forever! Also, I had forgotten my blogger password and couldn't post; changed it today and here I am.

I don't have a whole lot to say right now, except that my almost-three-year-old boychild is harassing me for chocolate milk, even though he knows that he doesn't get chocolate milk after dark...he'll pee the bed. And chocolate isn't good for little boys, anyhow; makes them hyper as hell. Oops...he's running outside. Gotta Go!

Stupid Grades

2005-09-23T03:50:00.000-07:00

Let's plunk out the Word of the Day first, then get down to bizniz.
Modicum: (noun) a small, moderate, or token amount.

Okay...So I got my final grades back and I received one B. I was really trying for a cumulative 4.0 for the duration of my schooling, but alas! this is not to be. I'm now sitting at a 3.73 which sucks ass, but it is my own fault, after all. If I'd have skipped one less day for my Field Shooting and Editing Class, I'd be sitting at a 4.0 right now. The only reason this concerns me so is that I've got this deal going with my mom... Make the Dean's List, get a hundred bucks. I could really use that hundred bucks. Okay, now someone send me a brick of Sharp Cheddar to go with my whine; I'm too poor to go out and buy it myself. :(

I know I'll make the Honor Roll...maybe I can get fifty...

Update:

(singing) If it keeps of raining, the levee's going to break. If it keeps on raining the levee's going to break.

New Orleans is drowning again! See? It just goes to show you, God dumps on your ass to wake you up. If you don't heed Him the first time, He will be back!!!
The only sad thing I've heard so far about Hurricane Rita is the story about the 24 elderly people that were incinerated within their only means of escape- a chartered bus. The overheated brakes started on fire, then all their oxygen tanks exploded, killing them all. How's that for irony? Trying to escape death by natural disaster only to catch fire and die en route to safety. And to top it all off, the 'cane is weakening to "stay at home and board up the windows" strength.

(singing) If it keeps on raining, the levee's going to break...

Nothing

2005-09-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

Time to learn kids! The Word of the Day is:
Adventitious: (adjective) added extrinsically; not essentially inherent; as in biology, out of the proper or usual place.

I've got nothing today, folks!

Blown Away

2005-09-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

First things first...Word of the Day.

Capitulate: (intransitive verb) to surrender under agreed conditions.

(I command thee brain cells, multiply!)

Okay, now for the good stuff. What about this Hurricane Rita, huh? Last night she was a measly little Cat-1 but when she hit the Gulf she BLEW the fuck up, didn't she? Drop your cocks and grab your socks, Gulf Coast, it's gonna be another bumpy ride! They're saying it isn't done building, either. I can't wait to see how this shit pans out; apparently she's supposed to make landfall in the Galveston/ Houston, TX area, which sucks because I have a lot of family in Houston. But then I remind myself of all those Displaced Cajuns and the like camped out in the Dome and my heart gets little warm fuzzies. What's going to happen this time? We'll know by Sunday.

Now if we're truly lucky, the 'cane will turn and follow the trench dug up three weeks ago by Miss Katrina and rip NOLA to shreds again. Hurricanes tend to follow recently laid paths. Ocean currents and stuff. Anyhoo, according to local engineers the levees should be able to withstand rainfall at a rate of three inches over a six-hour period. That's only a half-inch per hour! And to top it off, there are still people in NOLA that will refuse to evacuate even if Rita does decide to turn north. How much more money are we supposed to give these people? This is gonna be good, folks. Now I'm not trying to be mean (well, maybe just a little- I'm in a frisky mood), but this is a little like watching those "Faces of Death" videos. Remember those?

Speaking of gory movies, I saw Final Destination 2 (most of it, at least) last night. My buddy Angus wanted me to see the "best crash scene ever created." I CONCUR! If you've never seen the Final Destination movies, I highly recommend you do so soon. Not for the squeamish, mind you, but the technical and creative aspects of the way these people buy the farm is astonishing. Just...astonishing. I haven't seen the first one yet, nor have I seen the beginning of the second one. Backstory was lost upon me but I caught up enough to get the gist of things, which didn't really matter because the death sequences are what the movies are all about. Rest assured, faithful readers, that a review of Final Destination 1 will be coming along quite soon.

Happy Wednesday, everyone! Now for some peanut butter and toast. Yum!

My First Original Joke

2005-09-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

This one's dedicated to Buck Williams and his little dog, too. Thanks, Bucky, for bringing me out of my shell! Okay, here goes nothing...

So I was lying in bed, naked of course, just checking out my bod. I've got huge tits (thanks, Mom), and I began thinking of the old adage "More than a handful is a waste." What the hell is that about? Everyone knows America is the most wasteful country in the world- big TVs, big SUVs, big...Macs. You'll never hear a woman say, "More than a mouthful is a waste!" or "More than a vagina-ful is a waste!"
I don't get men.

(audience cheers) Thank you, folks, I'll be here all night. Tip your waitstaff.

And now for the word of the day:

deliquesce (intransitive verb): to melt away or to disappear as if by melting; to become fluid or soft with age; to dissolve gradually and become liquid, such as in chemistry.

Your brains are growing...

You Need a Thesaurus!

2005-09-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

I can do that for you. From now on, regardless of post topic, there will be a word of the day. I like to learn and if you read this swill, you probably do, too. Only relatively smart people read my blog (yeah, right).

Topic switch...

As some of you may or may not know, my boyfriend (it still feels weird saying that as I've been single and loving it for so long) does stand-up comedy. He's been trying to talk me into doing an open-mic to "test the waters" as it were... well, I wrote my first joke while lying nekkid in the sack. I don't see myself on the stage, as of yet, though. Can't go up with one measly joke, kids. Gotta have material! This is a daunting task, as my sarcastic humor is purely reactionary. In the biz they call that "crowd rap", I guess. He says I have to train my brain to think of hypothetical situations and write down how I would react.

Practice, practice, practice. Let me know if you'd like to hear (read) the joke...I'm a little nervous about releasing it to the public, yet. And now for the Word of the Day.

Immure (transitive verb): to imprison or incarcerate; to build into, or to entomb in a wall.

I feel you all growing smarter already. Happy trails.

Hey, Fellas! Feast Your Eyes...

2005-09-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

...on this chick and her gun. Her name is Jenny (good name, huh?) and she used to babysit me when I was little. She was also voted Homecoming Queen back in the day in a little town called Manson, Iowa- population 1,864.

Now you can check her out in the 2006 Dillon Precision Calendar. It's only ten bucks, so go to the website and buy it. I know you guys like guns (Difster, I'm talking to you!) She and her sister Chrissy are also Audi girls. Couldn't find them on the website, though. Not bad for a couple of girls from nowhere, eh?

I can only hope to have an ass like that when I'm 32. *Sigh*

Watch This Show!

2005-09-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

This is the show at which I just finished my internship. I had the BEST time working with Linnea, Caleb, Joe and the Davids. If you're in the Minneapolis area and you get Channel 45 (or 12 on cable, I think), watch the new episode at 11pm on Sunday night. For some back-assward reason, 45 is airing the old Season One episodes at 6pm and the new Season Two episodes at 11pm.

Make sense? Not really.

Also on Sunday night is a screening party at Grumpy's in Downtown Mpls. $3 pints of Summit...that's a good deal. It should be a great time; I'll be there, after all. So please check us out and if you're one of the "powers that be" pick us up so that there can be a Season Three!

Thanks for everyone's support!

Bye, bye Luvs... (an Everly Bros. tune)

2005-09-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

So he finally decided to use the potty chair. After fighting with him for almost a month, this morning, the Gaber took his first poop in the potty.

Hooray! I don't have to buy diapers anymore! My fuck those things are expensive.

Now you all have seen the kind of devotion I feel toward my only child...but mostly I did this so I can embarrass the hell out of him when he starts dating.

"Well, hello Sally," sayeth I, "did you know Gabe took a dump on the internet? Here, take a look!" Then he'll begin to cry and I'll just tell him of all the embarrassing bathtub pictures my mom took of me when I was but a wee tot. It runs in the family, Gaber, suck it up.

I'm so proud.

I'd like to thank

2005-09-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

the city of Coon Rapids, Minnesota for descending four squad cars on me last night. My first time in town; you folks sure know how to welcome a girl.

Fuckers. But it did make for a good story at school today.

P.S. Hey, Jailbird, glad you're home.

It must suck

2005-09-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

to be a worker at the Renaissance Festival. Wearing those hot woolen period outfits all day long, speaking in that horrible fake English accent that usually sounds like a blend of Highland Scottish and an Irish brogue. Shouting, "Huzzah! Twenty pounds for the king!" whenever I pay for a beer with a twenty dollar bill. Why don't they shout "Huzzah! Four pounds seventy-five for the king!" when I pay for my Bass Ale in exact change? I'm paying five bucks for a twelve ounce glass AND I'm tipping your ass; I want a shout!

The turkey drumsticks were awesome, as always. I know they try to keep things as chronologically correct as possible, but how period-accurate of a food is pizza on a stick? Better yet, what is pizza on a stick? And how does it stay there? Do they roll it up like my little brother and jab a skewer through it? Who knows?

I just got back home from our local "faire" and yeah, Puke and Snot were funny, the Muddy Beggars were, well, muddy, and I had my first ride in a rickshaw by a total fox of a man; foxy until he smiled. I had seen the daily parade and saw the seven couples that had been married thus far riding in rickshaws, so I decided that I deserved a ride, too. Are these just carnies in costume or what? I think lack of orthodontics is a pre-requisite to work there. Every worker I saw had messed up grilles. I think it's the same group of people that travel around working our county fairs all summer long. And women walking around in harem outfits with their HUGE bellies hanging out and wagging with every step they took. Now, I've got no room to judge, but I've also got enough sense to know what my limits are when it comes to dressing the part.

Good thing the tickets were free.

Warblers

2005-09-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Vocal gymnastics drives me nuts. Yes, its another rant on RockStar:INXS. I can't help it. But, its the last one, I promise. It's the second "reality show" that I've ever watched from beginning to end. I hate "reality shows." What's so freakin' real about them? Nothing. The first series I watched was Last Comic Standing. Then LCS vII. So I guess RockStar is technically my third. But, I digress.

Back to Suzie McNeil's vocal gymnastics. Flailing your voice all over the upper registers does not a good song make. That just points blatantly to your inability to hold a note steadily in tune. This does not a good singer make. I never got why people thought that sounded good.

Well, there goes my girl. Jordis, fine-ass Jordis, was just voted off. I'll have to start looking around the Cities for her again. Damn, she's so underrated by the American public. She's soooo much better than Stupid Suzie McNeil. I'm soooo done talking like a valley girl. Isn't that a hot picture, though?

Well, unless they do a Last Comic Standing III, I think my days of reality t.v. are over. Wait...I forgot about Beauty and the Geek.

Slaughtering Tunes Since 2005

2005-09-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

Last week about this time I posted on INXSRockStar and that hot chick Jordis. This picture doesn't do her justice at ALL, but oh well...it was the best one I could find. This is the second chick I've ever seen that could turn me into a lesbian. Did I just say that? Wow!

Well, now I'm sitting here watching this dude JD totally kill "Come As You Are" by Nirvana. This guy sucks. Don't know why he's still here. I know Jordis is on the chopping block for this week, but I've got faith that she'll hack it. And this Mig, guy, I'm sure is a raging homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Brooke Burke was obviously too lazy (sorry, Jeremy) to get dressed for tonight's show as she turned up in a freaking nightgown that looks like it could have come out of my mother's closet. Not attractive at all. At. All.

You know what else bothers me? The "faux-hawk." What the hell is that? Its a mohawk for pussies, if you ask me. Don't have the balls to shave the sides of your head? That's okay, just be a poser and use some hair gel! That'll get the girls. I'd take a real mohawk over a "faux-hawk' ANY day of the week.

Okay, here's Jordis, singing Queen's "We Are the Champions". Now I hate Queen, but she's kicking ass on this song. Maybe I'm biased...seriously, she rocks out better than any chick I've seen in a loooong time. Dave Navarro needs to be kicked in the shins.

Marty, I usually like ya man, but you slaughtered one of my all time favorite songs. And then got rave reviews for it! I've never heard someone sing a song so OUT of TUNE!!! I need to listen to the real song now to get the sound of that swill out of my head.
"Hello. I've waited here for you. Everlong...."

2005-09-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

This is the way it should be.

Whew!

2005-09-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! My friend Jeremy invited me to his family's cabin Up North for the holiday as he knew I'd just be sitting home doing homework. Thanks Jer, had a blast!

After a 3 and 1/2 hour drive from Minneapolis and a lot of grass (and a beer stop) we arrived at the most serene place I've been to in years. Drinking immediately ensued next to the firepit. Lakeside. Beautiful. Frequent naps (passouts) only to wake up and start imbibing all over again.

I forgot to bring my golf clubs, but then I learned how to play horseshoe golf. Its a game made just for drunks, I'm telling you. I went skinny dipping on Saturday night and got nibbled on by a fish. That wasn't too cool. I met and partied with some of the COOLEST old people I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with in all my life. I was so sad when Monday rolled around and we had to pack up our things. I wanted to slash my own tires in my car so I wouldn't have to go back to the city. Now I'm back in the grind and already looking forward to the weekend.

What a drag.

Holiday Weekends

2005-09-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

Gotta love 'em. For all (three) of you readers in the States, today is the beginning of Labor Day Weekend. Three full days of drinking, grilling, and all-around laziness. Going up north for the weekend...a friend has a cabin north of Alexandria. Should prove to be a good time, as when I was a teenager, my family had a cabin in the same area; however, a different lake. And this time it won't be an eight-hour drive. And I can catch a buzz on the way up. And my step-dad won't be screaming at us to shut up in the backseat. Yep, this weekend should be fun.

All you folks have a great time this weekend; don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(that gives you all some Great Options because there's not a lot that I won't do)

Take care and drive safely. Find a sober driver if you need to- I don't feel like dying in the middle of a highway.

See ya Monday night.

WTF?

2005-09-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me get this straight. People in New Orleans are begging for help. So, naturally, the American government (albeit a day late and a dollar short) sends help. Thousands of medical personnel, rescue workers, and just your everyday charitable types come to perform their services and help those in need. THEN these ungrateful bastarding "victims" begin shooting at the rescue workers and the helicopters they occupy. In reference to the title of this post, What The Fuck?
Thus, reinforcing my first thoughts after hearing about the looting...let them all contract typhoid and die. Rid the earth of such rubbish as this. Never before have I felt such contempt for humanity; I think I'm more pissed about this than I was when I found out Bush was going after Hussein instead of bin Ladin after 9/11. But that's a dead horse I'm not going to beat upon.

People have been musing on how we'll rebuild this great city. Well, it's my turn to throw in my two cents. Don't rebuild it. What was so great about it, anyhow? I've been there, I have family nearby from whom I have not yet heard. But the whole town was focused on bare breasts, booze, and debauchery. Mardi Gras, a festival based upon a RELIGIOUS holiday which used to last only a week, now (basically) lasts year-round. Now I'm all for having a good time, and good times I love to have. But at some point, you have to draw a line. New Orleans had no line drawn. If it did have a line, it was washed away four days ago, and is now lying stagnantly within the bounds of the city, causing disease and distrust. I say, Go, Mother Nature, Go! Let's have a couple more of these natural disasters spread throughout the world...say...West Africa.

In West Africa (not the country itself, but the entire region) people are starving to death. Those who aren't starving to death are either killing or being killed by a godless bunch of rebels that have no remorse for anything except not having infected enough infants with AIDS. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Our hurricanes originate in Africa, why not send them a little present from Stateside. What sort of devestating weather could we send...?

Alright, now I know I'm beginning to sound like a bit of an insensitive bitch, but come on. How many images of human strife and the people taking advantage does one have to see before utterly and completely spouting off about it? Did anyone hear our Fearless Leader speak this morning with Bubba and Daddy standing right behind him, holding his hand? Could he have seemed any less empathetic toward what these people are going through? Leave it to someone born wealthy to entirely miss the sense of urgency these drowned rats are living with.

(pause for smoke break)
This shit really gets my dander up. Okay, now I'm not saying that we should just let all those people waste away; the ones who heeded the warnings and sought help should be given help. But those who refuse to evacuate when told should not receive said help. They knew what was coming, they knew that the levees may not hold, yet they stayed. Now for those of you who want to retort by saying there aren't enough roads to evacuate everyone in a timely manner, they had three days. Besides, being that the entire city lies below sea level (now much farther below sea level, huh?) one would naturally assume that the tide will have a much more devastating effect when it sinks into a hole guarded by levees all around with no means of recession. Now everyone's swimming in a big, disease-ridden cesspool and wondering "What happened?"

I'll tell you what happened...karma.

Boo F**king Hoo!

2005-08-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

I know that I've publicly stated that I do NOT watch reality shows, but there is one that's had me my the proverbial balls. INXSRockStar. I never really liked that band, but there's this Totally
Hot
Chick from St. Paul named Jordis singing on there. And she's got a killer voice. But that's not why I'm writing this. The reason I am writing this is because I just saw Ty (the one with the mohawk) get booted off, and naturally, he got a little choked up. That's fine. But then he pulls the Ace of Spades out of his sleeveless shirt and says, "I can't pretend that I don't know why I was voted off." Intimating that he was voted off because he's African-American. I'm sorry...black.

Shut the Fuck Up, Dude! The reason you got voted off is because you weren't really that good, and frankly, I'm shocked you lasted as long as you did!

Waterworld

2005-08-31T16:35:00.000-07:00

was a bad movie. That's what all this Katrina business reminds me of. Yeah, it sucks that your shit's getting blown down the road and your wife was just swept into what used to be Lake Ponchartrain, but is that any reason to try to drive around in TWO FEET OF WATER? Sorry for raising my voice, but come on! Any second I'm expecting to see Kevin Costner with gills come floating by on a makeshift raft in a flamboyant Mardi Gras costume with Jean Tripplehorn (whom I'm positive is a man) kneeling before him boning fish. Not having sex with them, either, but actually removing the bones from their bodies; get your minds out of the gutter!

I say, survival of the fittest. If you're dumb enough to wait out a hurricane in a city that is BELOW sea level to begin with, then when the water starts to rise hop in your little Nissan Stanza (or what have you) and you get trapped- screw you! I'm not risking MY life just because you're retarded. No offense to the actually retarded people who wouldn't know any better anyhow. Like the manchild (Downs Syndrome) here in Minneapolis whom, last week, was found at the bottom of an elevator shaft after two days of being gone. The only reason anyone found him is because he was on top of the elevator cables and the lifts stopped working. Something was stuck, they said. Something was. That manchild didn't know the perils of prying open the elevator doors.

Anyhow, I digress.
Back to the other retards.

I've seen the gas prices being changed five times over the last day and a half. As of last check (2pm today) it was at $2.99 per gallon. Now I know you coasters in California say "Pshaw. Three bucks? That's nothing!" Fuck you! That's too fucking much. I think it would finally be cheaper for me to ride the bus for an hour and a half every morning to school. That will only cost me $2.50 per day. As of today, that is less that what it costs for me to drive. But I hate riding the bus unless its just to go downtown (which takes me all of 10 minutes- sometimes less, depends on traffic, of course). Hey New Orleans, where's a hydrogen car when you need one, huh? Oh wait, I think they call those airboats where you're from.

Speaking of airboats, I haven't seen anyone cruising around on those things while watching the news. I thought those were popular down in the bayou. The whole damned states a bayou, now, you'd think that you'd see all those rednect Cajuns trolling the state looking for floating trash to add to their "yard-ornament collection."

Okay, time to get off my soapbox. Just one final thought before I go...

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Update:

And what's with the fucking Germans blaming global warming on Katrina hitting our fair Gulf? WTF? It almost makes me ashamed to claim my heritage. Blaming Katrina for global warming is like blaming a bee for your child's anaphylactic shock from eating honey. The bee didn't know your child's immune system was warped. Just like hurricanes don't know that they DON'T cause global warming! Wicked weather, sure, but not holes in the ozone, certainly!
Lets start blaming Christianity on the Germans. Martin Luther was a communist! AAARRGH! Okay, I'm done for now.

Another week...

2005-08-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

...begins. After tonight, that is. Last week was a loooooong one, and nothing interesting even went on. I gotta say, the blogs are getting a little weak, huh?

Drink some more, smoke some more; may some inspiration strike me...

Fix America! JenE- style!

2005-08-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

This entry is dedicated to Difster for making me think about it.
Ways to fix America...where should I start?

First off, this "War On Drugs". Our government is going after the wrong damned people. An overcrowded penal system could easily be thinned out if marijuana punishments weren't so steep. I'm not calling for legalization, just a little less rigidity. I don't know; maybe take a little lesson from our friends in the Great White North. Canada, to the layman.

Secondly, reduce the amount of money our public legislators receive in salary and benefits. I think that considering the amount of money they all make (and the fact that they can give themselves raises doesn't help, either) the good Senators and Congressmen can afford to pay for their own airplane tickets to Tahiti, their own treatments at Betty Ford, and their own medical bills. At least give them the 80%/20% coverage with through-the-roof deductibles like the rest of us working stiffs are LUCKY to get from our employers.

Next, we'll quit allowing American corporations to set up offshore accounts to avoid paying American taxes. I call that aiding and abetting a felony. Tax evasion is a felony offense, isn't it?

{...pause for beer...}

Fourthly, quit dumping so much money into the mating rituals of the North American Pink Polka-dotted Bumblebee and other such [un]worthy causes. And don't even get me started on the space program.

Step Five would be to go back to the paper voting system. And ditch the electoral college. Popular vote wins the game. No more fucked up elections in states run by our brothers. Count the little paper ballots, add them all up, and the winner becomes President. Isn't that how it's supposed to work? I mean, why vote if all these outside forces can just veto the whole thing? They're just putting whomever they want in office anyway. Give the vote back to the people so their votes will, once again, mean something.

Step Six, border control. I won't beat that dead horse.

Number Seven? I think that deserves another swig of beer.
Okay, back to work. I think one of the job requirements for becoming President of our fair land should be military experience. Real military experience. Not Reserves or Air National Guard or anything like that- unless this person has been in battle. War vets tend to be a little more conservative an dmindful of consequences before rushing headlong into war for reasons that were never proven. Actually, weren't they [dis]proved?
(P.S. Anyone that chants, "Get out of Iraq, now!" needs to be kicked in the head. I don't agree with the Iraqi war at all, but bailing out now [without dropping nukes] would be FUBAR.)

{...another sip of beer...}

Ahem! Okay, on to number eight. These creative juices are really flowing... or maybe its cranberry juice. Who knows? Anyhow, I digress.
Step Eight: let us spank our kids, again! I know some of us still do (shh! don't tell), and I'll bet those kids fear their parents. Our jobs as parents is not to be a "best friend". Our kids have enough "best friends". If that was our job, then we'd be called "best friend" and not "God, that bitch won't let me stay out until midnight!" Thanks to Oprah and that pompous bastard Dr. Phil(yourheadwithcrap) our kids don't fear us anymore. This is a problem. I spank my child (about once a month- he's a pretty good little boy) only when he deserves it. Plus, he's wearing Pull-Ups...a swat on the butt doesn't hurt anything but feelings, yet he still cries a little because he is ashamed. He knows that I love him, and that when Mom says ''No", Mom means "No". He is NOT a repeat offender.
Just remember that there is a fine line between discipline and abuse. Fine though it may be, it is brightly colored in black and blue on a flesh-toned background. Enough said.

Speaking of repeat offenders...Number Nine. We're going back to the penal system, here. Criminals- hardened criminals- also no longer know any fear. Cable television, cuisine, high-tech weight training systems- all things that need to go. Last quarter in school I gave a twelve-minute speech on the benefits of corporal punishment. In the words of the illustrious Martha Stewart, "It's a good thing." You steal, you lose a finger. You steal again, you lose a hand. We go from there. Remember that Michael Fine (?) that got caned in Singapore (?) or the Phillippines or Thailand or one of those countries for graffiti? I was cheering for the guy with the bamboo. That shit hurts! And I bet he never scribbled on a building, again. You rape someone or molest a child, you get tossed in the hole with someone who'll toss in your holiest of holes. I'd lay money these types of violent crimes would go down. Therapy? Bah...send him to Bubba.

I think I'm done, for the time being, but like any good woman, I reserve the right to revisit this issue at any point I deem worthy.

Thank you.

T & A

2005-08-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ahh...back to the real world. I've been stuck in a hole in Iowa for six days while my son got a little T&A. Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy, respectively. My poor little monkey.

I've forgotten how backward that place is. You'd think I could find a wireless connection somewhere in that damned state; alas, none. I felt so left out of the world. I'm glad to be back where things are normal. Even the beer is only 3.2; what kind of crap is that? Eight bucks for a six-pack of 3.2 Bass beer. Then people teased me and called me snooty because I wasn't drinking Busch Light. God, I'd rather drink my own urine. If drinking real beer makes me snooty, then I stick my nose up at all of you!

Welcome to the cornfield, folks. Enjoy your stay.

3

2005-08-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

Last night while working on my essay, my friend Mike called me up and invited me to go to the Hank Williams III concert at First Avenue. I said, "Thanks, but I'm broke." He said, "Don't worry about it- I'll cover ya." I replied, "Dude, I'm there." So I hopped a bus and went downtown and showed up about 5 minutes to show time. I am SO glad I went.

If you're a fan of grandpa and are under the age of 65, chances are, you'll love 3. I haven't had that much fun at a live show in many a year. I've been wanting to see 3 for a while now, just never had the opportunity. I didn't even mind when I got punched in the nose by some guy with a mohawk in the mosh pit. My nose-piercing started bleeding and this morning it's a little sore, but it was soooo worth it.

One thing you wouldn't expect from a rockabilly (or hellbilly, as 3 prefers) is the transition to thrashing speed metal... it kicked ass. So if any of you get the opportunity, go. see. this. guy.

You'll be glad you did.

Ugh!

2005-08-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

You know what irks me? Straight guys that wear pink. Pink is an all- around bad color. It's a pussy form of my own personal favorite, Red. Pink is for baby girls, not grown men.

Plus, it makes you look gay as hell.

neeeeed... sleeeeep...

2005-08-15T05:24:00.000-07:00

I went to bed kind of early last night (1030) so I could, for once, get eight hours of sleep. What a joke. I woke up at 415 am. Been up ever since. I'm just lying here listening to the buses run on Hennepin Ave. I can hear the garbage trucks somewhere down the street.

Why is it that when you have to get up early you can't get to sleep, but when you have all the time in the world for said activity, it's nearly impossible? I guess I could work on my essay some more, but, that would be just a little too responsible for my taste. With my luck, it'd probably put me back to sleep, anyhow. Considering my alarm clock will be going off in less than one hour, that's not something I want to risk.

People make all kinds of strange noises during the night/ early morning hours. I sleep with my windows open in my apartment, and there are two other buildings situated very closely to my own, so I hear all sorts of things. You never hear anyone cough during the day like they do in the nighttime. I think this guy might crack a rib, or something. Maybe he should lay off the Lucky Strikes.

Well, all (two) of my faithful readers, someone or something will probably piss me off today at school, so hopefully I'll have something at least mildly entertaining for you to feast your eyes upon and rot your brain. Until then, keep your hands out of your pants. Wouldn't want that keyboard to get all sticky, now, would we?

Later On That Day...

2005-08-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Oh my god that bird is back!!!

I haven't heard peep (or squawk, for that matter) since noon. Over seven hours of peace! I even wrote three and a half pages of a seven- page essay on assisted suicide.

I'm about ready to assist that damned bird.

The Birds (SQUAAAWWWWK)

2005-08-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Alright, ass- shakers and money- makers, get rolling out of bed. It's a beautiful day here in sunny Minneapolis. Think I'll go for a walk around Lake of the Isles. I've got to get out of this apartment. One of the neighbors has this fucking parrot that has been squawking about every three seconds for the past half- hour. If I could use the JFK 'magic bullet' theory for a minute...

I'd like to take difster's big effing gun and fire a big effing bullet around the corner and kill that bastard parrot. Ooh! A moment of silence...dammit, spoke too soon.

Most people think, "Oh, birds are such beautiful creatures!" Sure, they're okay to look at and admire, sometimes. I know I wouldn't mind a set of wings and a big, sharp beak with which to peck out peoples' eyes, but that's exactly why I can't stand them. Hitchcock had it right, man...birds are evil. That, and they're really very dirty. You ever heard the saying, "Don't shit where you eat"? Yeah, well, they do. AND they carry all sorts of diseases and parasites. Parents around the nation should warn their second graders about the freakin' HEAD LICE! Yuk! Don't let your kids go around searching for dropped bird feathers. That's how the epidemic starts. Pretty soon, old Mrs. Meier only has four students in her class and everyone else comes back reeking of Rid shampoo. Ew...I just had a huge chill run down my back.

Well, that bird has shut up, again. Been silent now for about three minutes. Three minutes of bliss, I tell you. Maybe someone else had the same idea, but I didn't hear any gunfire.

Maybe they used a slingshot.

Ah- Choo!

2005-08-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

Finally! I've had a sneeze sitting in the back of my throat for almost two days, and just now, it was expunged in four very loud, very refreshing bursts. Man, I feel better.
Have you ever noticed how a good bodily function can make you feel like a new person? Say, for instance, you have to urinate very badly.
Nowhere to go, you have to hold it for a couple of hours. You begin to get crabby and, strangely, thirsty. Boy, those cottonchops. You'd think that by being extremely full of water, you wouldn't get thirsty, and drinking something is the absolute last thing you want to do. But when that portapotty finally comes around and you get the opportunity to relieve yourself, at last, you come out of your "thinking chair" and the sun is sunnier, the grass is greener, and life is just better.
Those dirty, squawking birds still creep me right the fuck out, though.
And grass makes me sneeze.

What is this, Saturday?

2005-08-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Why is it that all days seem to just run into the next? They all feel the same. Could it have anything to do with the Earth's rotation around the sun?
Nah, that can't be it.
This is supposed to be a Saturday morning, yet, I woke up feeling very Monday-ish. There seems to be no end to these days. Maybe something interesting will happen today.
Boy, I'm pissy this morning.

2005-08-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

Halt! Who goes there?

2005-08-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

So, all ye blogfuckers out there... now I'm one, too. "Daily diary" this will not be. More along the lines of "Randomly spouting off about randomly chosen subjects". So, take it or leave it, I don't care. I'm not that funny, so if that's what you're looking for, move along, folks. I just want to be as uncool as I possibly can be.